This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
