My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am naked and annoyed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
