This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize