My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
