Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
