I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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