I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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