It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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