I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
