am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
