Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
