Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish there were birth control emojis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
