I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
