So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
