How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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