I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
