Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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