I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When are your genitals available?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
