My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
