every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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