and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
