I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
