It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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