i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
