I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
