Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
