Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
