:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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