am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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