just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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