Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
