I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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