last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
