I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize