she told me i tasted like america
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
