If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
