New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
