That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
