He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize