what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
