Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
