Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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