Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
