hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
