just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
