Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
