He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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