Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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