We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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