my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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