You work out of a Hotel?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
