Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
