Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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