They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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