i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
