I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
