So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
