I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is my gift to your gina
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
