mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
