Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
