One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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