you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
