you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
