we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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