Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
