btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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