i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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