well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
