The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
