the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There's even glitter on my cock...
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