peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
