Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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