he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
