No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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