Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
birth control should be required to get into college
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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