omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
