we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
