Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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