I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
