My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
