Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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