you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
