I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
