my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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