$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
