I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize