i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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