at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
