I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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