Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
