Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize