Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
