I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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