I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
