But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
