The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize