Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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