If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
