I'm eating all of the evidence.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
