This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
