all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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