he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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