I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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