i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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