Can i not drive my cunt home
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize